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You’ve heard of FOMO, right? It’s an acronym that stands for “fear of missing out.” I don’t remember when I first heard the term, but I’ve long appreciated how it deftly captures the spirit of the age. We can all become anxious at times when we suspect we’re left out of some good opportunity, experience, trend, purchase, relationship, etc. And if we aren’t careful, we can allow those fears to dominate our decision-making.
FOMO has become omnipresent in the age of the social internet, when even a casual glance at Facebook or Twitter or Instagram confirms our FOMO. “How come everybody knew about the party except for me?” FOMO also enflames our tendency toward consumerism in and age when targeted online adds are algorithmically tailored to our every preference and desire. Let’s just say I own a lot of baseball-style caps and sharp golf shirts.
A couple weeks ago, I heard a new phrase for the first time: FOBO. It means “fear of a better offer.” It’s the tendency to not want to commit to firmly to anything, to hold all our plans loosely, just in case we decide we’d rather do something else. Like FOMO, we can all be tempted by FOBO. I’ll admit that there have been many times I’ve regretted agreeing to a particular commitment when a more appealing one has come along. It’s especially frustrating if the latter is more appealing in part because it pays! But part of being a mature adult is being a man or woman of your word and following through on your commitments.
Speaking of the expectations of mature adults, let’s talk about college students! I’ve been teaching college students for almost two decades. I’ve served in the college ministry at three different churches over the years, including my current church. I speak at various college conferences and other events. I’ve mentored numerous college students. My oldest child is a dual-enrollment college student. Seriously, I know about college students. And one of the things I know about college students is that their lives are often defined by FOBO.
It’s why they wait until the last minute to sign up for the event—if they bother to sign up at all. (But what if I get a ticket to the game that day instead?) It’s why they push back on any co-curricular event they are required to attend. (Don’t you know my favorite club meets that night?) It’s why you have no idea what attendance at recurring events for college students will be from one week to the next. (The weather was pleasant, so we all decided to go play disc golf instead.) It’s why they wait until the last-minute to study for the exam. (Okay, this one is probably a stretch. College students have never needed a special excuse to procrastinate.)
While I don’t work as closely with high schoolers, I’m the parent of two high schoolers. I know many of our older teenagers’ friends, who are also high schoolers. I spend a lot of time with college freshmen who were high schoolers a few months ago. So I think I’m standing on fairly solid ground when I say that FOBO is an issue for teenagers who aren’t yet in college, too. It seems to be a generational tendency, though of course not one that is unique to Gen Z. Again, I struggle with FOBO myself from time to time.
How should a Christian think about FOBO?
First, we need to follow through on our commitments as a matter of personal integrity. As Matthew 5:37 reminds us, “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” FOBO mustn’t lead to us constantly breaking our word whenever we decide there is somewhere else we’d rather be. Life is filled with countless moments where we wish we were elsewhere.
Second, we need to remember that there is spiritual value in not always getting what we want. As Jesus reminds us, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Denying ourselves for the sake of following Christ is evidence of a maturing disciple. It is a good thing to sometimes say no to the more appealing option that comes along at the last minute, especially when it the less-appealing option forces us to table our own desires for the sake of others.
Third, we need to trust the role of God’s sovereignty and providence in our spiritual maturity. He is faithful to complete the good work he has begun in us (Philippians 1:6). He works all things for good for those who love him and are called according to his purposes (Romans 8:28). Whatever regrets we might have in the moment because we aren’t where we would rather be, we know that God is working in that moment we’re actually in—not the wished-for moment—to conform us to the image of King Jesus.
Finally, we need to recognize that surrendering to often to FOBO is evidence that we’ve allowed disordered desires to squeeze us into their worldly mold (Romans 12:2). Herein lies the path to idolatry. Remember that an idol can be any created thing that turns our loyalty away from the Creator. A life dominated by FOBO is a life driven by desires that must be fulfilled. FOBO unrestrained is just another form of self-worship unacknowledged.
So don’t always keep your options open. Write that commitment down in ink instead of pencil. Put to death the tendency to always get what you want, when you want, in the way that you want. Cultivate contentment, even when you’d rather be somewhere else. Recognize that every moment is a gift from God. And receive that gift—for his glory and your good.
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